Here is February's post. It had good, it had bad, it had in-between. I'll just go chronologically.
The Happy: February 14th, Valentines Day! It was a Tuesday, and I got work off for a very special Valentines date. One we had been planning for a little while. Rhett picked me up at our usual spot in Salt Lake with a bouquet of roses in hand. He took me for a very nice dinner at the Olive Garden (I got the ravioli, and Rhett got these lasagna roll-thingys. Oh my good heavens they were amazing!!!) After which we headed up to Kingsbury hall for a concert. An awesome concert! It was Celtic Night! The performers were mostly Irish, some were Scottish. Lots of songs, some river dancing, and I learned what Ilen pipes are: basically Irish bagpipes, you play it all with you elbows though (ilen is a root for elbow-go figure!) There were some odd people sitting around us, a whiny girl behind us because she was tired, a weird high school "not emo" couple next to me, a couple arguing a politics and exercising in front of us, and over by Rhett was a couple with a very large age difference... Anywho, this isn't even the best part of the date! (Okay it was great, but I have yet to tell you about our gifts to each other.)
Sooooo...we drove away from the concert to a local church parking lot to swap gifts then go home. I opened his gift to me first. He bought me a bottle of sparkling cider (Martinellis, my favorite), and as mentioned, the roses, but then I got to open the rest of it... He wrote me a Valentines Day card in medical terminology as a case study. Final Diagnoses: Love. How cute is that???? It was a full page describing the signs and symptoms. I loved it! He then gave me a nicely wrapped box, with tons of (creme-filled only) Mrs. Cavanaugh chocolates! Oh my goodness my boy spoils me sweet! That's not even the best of it. He had one more small box for me...........When I opened it up it was so beautiful! He told me that it was sterling silver, plated with 14 carat gold, and the diamond accents were real. Yes, it was a beautiful bracelet! Simple, petite, understated, but perfect! Do you want to know what I got him? Yeah? Okay. I had a secret in my purse, when he started opening his gift, I grabbed a nerf gun out and shot at him 6 times!!! Woooo!!! Inside my gift bag was his own nerf gun, plus extra darts. It was fun. But that wasn't all, I spent a long time on his gift. I bough a big jar, and filled it with hershey's kisses, and 101 things about love on little slips of paper. Quotes about love, song's about love, and reasons I love him. I like making things personal, and I think I won that battle! :)
The next weekend, I got to go home and be with family (and of course doggie!) Here comes the Sad: Grandma had slipped and fallen and was sent to the hospital with a collapsed lung and cracked ribs. Then they drugged her up real good and she was LOOPY! It was hilarious! I went by to visit her on Friday, she kept telling us that once she found her purse, she'd take us out for a nice Halloween dinner. She knew who I was for most of the time, but couldn't always remember my Aunt Jean. On Saturday we all went by, she was much more lucid. I think by some inspiration she said her goodbyes. Told everyone there personally how much she appreciated them and all they did for her. When it came to be my turn and I leaned in for my kiss, she just squeezed my hand and said, "I love you, but you know that." I told her I loved her too. That's all that passed between us, and that's all I needed, it was our usual goodbye, and it summed up our relationship perfectly. We took some pictures, and away we went.
Sunday was nice, Monday day was good too (School holiday!) That night I got a call from mom, who was at the hospital with grandma. She said grandma wasn't going to last the night, she just couldn't breath. I frantically ran around grabbing the things I needed to leave, and went upstairs to tell my dad--but he was already up and getting ready to go. Brett just happened to call on Skype as I was waiting for dad, so I answered and told him right away. He asked me to call him when I got to the hospital. Dad and I left (Rhett in tow), as I called Matt to make sure he knew. He was thinking about going up as well, so we told him we'd meet him at the park-n-ride so we could all go up together. He got there a bit after we did, with Shelise in tow. We rode up to Bountiful and went in the hospital. Grandma had a sort of C-PAP (continuous air) machine on (something I encouraged mom to use for her-I've seen it work wonders), with no teeth. Even still, her oxygen stats were in the 50's (not good). She looked tired. I cried when I saw her like that. It was so hard. When I pulled myself together I went and gave her a kiss, and said my own goodbyes. Scott and Patty were there, Rachel had just left on her Cruise that morning, Brett was in Colorado, Mark wasn't awake for the phone calls, but Jean & Jerry, Janet, Mom, and Dad were there too. Aunt Marian was in California, on the phone with my mom.
Mom ended up calling all the shots, looking a lot to me for a confirmation. Everything she said to do was right. Jean and Janet told her that "Mother wouldn't want to be like this..." etc. Yet they left mom to actually interact with the nurse. The nurse said she could give grandma 8 units of morphine, and everyone freaked out until I asked the nurse to clarify that it was 8 units per hour. They avoided morphine before because it affects the respiratory system so badly, but they were going to give it to her then take off the C-PAP mask. The morphine also suppresses the need to gasp for air when you can't breathe (called "air hunger"). After the nurse gave it to her and left, my aunt Janet said she felt like I should sing a song. Then Patty piped up and said she was getting the same feeling. So I started flipping through hymns on my phone...one in particular kept coming to my mind. It's one I felt like everybody sings in these times, so I tried to find another one, but I got a stronger kick that it was the song I needed. So I asked my family to back me up, and we sang "Be Still, My Soul." I stood by the head of grandmas bed, her hand in mine, and with my whole family behind me, we sang all 3 verses. I think it was less for grandma and more for us. She stopped twitching as much during the song. I called Brett and set the phone next to her ear so he could say goodbye.
Just after we finished singing, the nurse came back in to take off the mask. This was the part I was worried about. We were going to have to watch her struggle to breathe for the next hour or so. Brett was still on the phone with me. Rhett was so sweet, he switched phone batteries with me so I could be talking to Brett. They took off the mask, she took one labored breath, then one more and spit up some foam, then stop. The nurses were shocked, they said "Oh, her heart just stopped." She was gone. She didn't even linger in the room. She was just gone. I told Brett she looked different. Aunt Janet whispered to me "It's because her teeth are out" I just mouthed "I know" but I knew its because her mortal body was just a shell. She wasn't there. It was 2:41 Tuesday morning, February 21st.
The hospital was so accommodating. The whole time we were in there they brought us a cart of food with bagels and cream cheese, cookies, doughnuts, chips, an assortment of juices and sodas, and all sorts of other things. They popped in a lot to ask if we needed anything at all. I couldn't be happier with their caring attitude. We left at 4 am, got home around 5, and went to sleep. I called my boss that morning when we woke up (around 11). He was so sweet, and told me to not even worry about coming in. I got to spend the whole day with my family. Danni kept looking at my mom worriedly, and trying to sit on her lap and give her doggie kisses on her arm. Funny how dogs sense these things.
Right when she passed, I texted Bethany, who was miraculously up (she lives in Virginia so it was like 5 am her time). Beth then texted her mom, who then spread the word to ladies in the ward. When we got up Tuesday morning, the news of grandmas passing was already in the ward newsletter, and we had multiple messages on our answering machine from various ward members offering love and support. We are so blessed.
One week later was the funeral. Monday night was the viewing. The whole week leading up to it was busy. I drove between Bountiful and Ogden more than I can say. So many people showed up to see her one last time, the love that was felt was so beautiful. Many people came up from Alpine, and even my roommates came down for some of the evening from Ogden. The Russon Brothers Mortuary made her look just lovely. It was so strange turning off the lights that night and leaving her there in the room. I went back up to Ogden, Brett flew in that night, and Tuesday was the funeral.
Rachel and I both stayed up till about 4 am writing our talks. We shared memories and love. I found some beautiful things about death and the afterlife in the scriptures and through talks by general authorities. The program was very poetic, Grandma's three granddaughters bade her farewell, then her eight grandsons carried her off. It was snowing like crazy. It was before the funeral itself that got me. The smaller family viewing took place right before, we said our final goodbyes, I touched her cold hand, and then mom put the veil on her, and they closed the casket. I couldn't stop the tears. I couldn't stifle the noises that were coming up my throat. I looked at Rachel and she just mouthed, "I know." By the time we got to the chapel for the program, I was okay. I gave the closing talk, and wrapped up the program quite nicely (I think, and so did most the people I heard from-especially my daddy). The graveside service consisted of a poem read, a dedication of the grave, and "Amazing Grace" played on the bagpipes. Grandma's old Relief Society ladies set up our luncheon and fed us well. Then we went to Alpine to celebrate Scott's Birthday.
I know this is a long post--and I can almost guarantee that my next one will be, too. I received news the morning she passed that the little boy I worked with for 2 years was in the hospital with pneumonia. I kind of knew he wouldn't be around much longer, though I don't know how... The ending to that story will come eventually. I'll keep you updated.
I'm so sorry to end this on such a heavy note. However, in my last post I talked about what a beautiful thing death is. Please remember that post. Remember that blessings come in many ways, that the reunion on the other side of the veil is a grand and joyous thing. Mourning is an expression of love, to take sorrow out of death, would be to take love out of life. We love greatly in this family. We love unconditionally and with all of our hearts. So did grandma. Let us not forget our happy memories. Mt. Rushmore, Bitty Baby, her quick wit and quirky phrases, the American Legion Auxiliary, the Daughters of the Utah Pioneers, the traveling, the stories she told at our birthdays of our birth day, her Christmas story of 'Gray Pony, Brown Donkey', how much she and grandpa loved each other, her sweet and accommodating temperament, her back rubs, sleepovers at her house, her strength, and her caring personality.
All of my unconditional love to you,
Mary
