Life, and Love, and Why...

Greetings!

Again I sit on my bed, curtains drawn to make me feel childish, and raindrops outside my window. School ends this week! Then next week finals go from Tuesday to Thursday and I'm done! We still have to figure out what to do with my furniture. I found that I like my hair wavy, it also saves time blow-drying it, cuz I don't anymore! It's getting longer now, long enough to curl well without a dryer. It's also going back to my natural golden color. It's a dark blonde right now. Though talking about my hair seems extremely irrelevant to anything in life...

We played water polo today in swim class. I do love that sport! Today's game was much more competitive than usual, it was quite entertaining. I'm much stronger in the water now than I was at the beginning of the semester! I'm quite happy with my improvement. I think it's always important to keep reaching to do better in life. So I don't feel too bad about being proud of myself in this instance. Haha.

Today marks 3 months until I turn 20! Just some trivia for you there... :)

I worked 12 hours at Sub Zero in one day this weekend. Double shift Saturday. Plus 6 hours Friday night. Dang, I'm gonna get a good paycheck next week!

Now I'm debating as to whether I should change my relationship status on Facebook or not ;) Hahaha! See, there's this guy. I met him my junior year of High School when we had a class together. We were mean, and I mean brutal to each other! Not to mention, I was dating someone on his team at the time... Now, 3 years later (2 of which we had little to no contact) we met up somewhere, started teasing each other again, and now we're dating. Go figure! It happened really fast, but at the same time not...? We went on quite a few dates last summer where we got to be pretty good friends, then we just stopped talking. Then in January-ish we started talking again, went out a few more times, and ba-da-bing ba-da-boom. Though I've never actually had a serious conversation with him... Basically all we ever do is tease and flirt. It's great fun! What's funnier is that early in the morning, before going to bed, we were texting and I challenged him to a wrestling match (it started out as an arm-wrestling match...) and my pride, or maybe ego, got in the way and I told him he was gonna lose. He's 5'11", 180 lbs, and maybe 2% body fat... I'm 5'10.75" and 145 lbs, maybe 16% body fat. I'm screwed, aren't I? Don't tell him I said that, I'm still trash talking it!!! ;)

So I have to say... My good friend writes stories. The ones I read are her fan-fiction stories mostly about JackSparrow (yes, from Pirates of the Caribbean). Though these stories were mainly meant to entertain and be good stories, they hold so much more sometimes. These flashes of brilliance (besides the brilliance of her writing!) come across to me and make me ponder all sorts of things in life. In one story of her's she asks the question: "Where do you find hope?" Not that I've ever had trouble finding hope, but honestly, it's a good question! Where do I find it? I don't even know the answer... I have my religion, which is helpful, but if you think about it, when you're totally hope-less, how can you reach into yourself to find it? Where do you go if not in your own self? Just a thing to ponder...

Another thing she said in a different story... "that to speak truth and lie with actions, is the worst kind of lie, in every way." Why did that hit home for me so much? Because people have told me things, no, not things, they've told me the truth about what it is they were saying. Yet they're actions weren't congruent with their words. It's caused unimaginable pain... To know what they say is true, to feel it, yet to see them do something else. I guess the word for it is hypocrisy. That's all there is to it, really. And it is the worst kind of lie. The hope that one can feel, yet the trust that gets betrayed. I think about this more than I should. It's mildly absurd, I always feel like I'm too young to have felt or feel anything so deep. This is why I don't tolerate hypocrites, they can burn entire relationships to the ground, then burn any bridges to get back. I've often gone on tangents about this sort of thing before, I won't start into another one now. The really sad thing is, it's not just me who knows this. There's more hypocrites in the world than one might imagine. Anywho! Funny how one sentence in one story can provoke so much thought. I swear sometimes this girl is writing about my life in pirate version. Hahaha!

So that wasn't the happiest note to end on. I will give my disclaimer here that I am not depressed, nor feeling hurt by things past anymore (most of the time, except for those rare, really bad days that everything goes wrong, so you think back and feel all "woe is me," but today nor any day in awhile has been like that...) The thought was provoked by a story, at 3 am. At 3 am, emotions can run a little higher than normal. Life is happy, especially if I don't think about the past! It's the past... Besides, I have too much on my mind with the present alone, and I try to plan out my future constantly. It's a lot of work for one girl.

So this is my current contemplations of Life, and Love, and Why... Tune in next time to hear about Psychology and Boredom and How ;) Not really... Life and Love and Why is a good song by the band Switchfoot. If you're interested.

Much Love! Peace!

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